From the Depths to the Mountain Tops

Where do I start?! The last few weeks have been a high point in my life. Not in ways you may think. I am feeling healthier then I have ever felt, I have a much higher self esteem then I have ever had and I know that God is for me not against me. How did I get to this point, well let me tell you.

First of all I have made some life changes that have given me a boost in my self esteem, I said good bye to my past and hello to my future. I couldn't keep allowing the past to weigh me down ( I can't change it so why fight it ) I am better then that. I also changed my diet to meet my bodies needs, I am eating more of what is good for me and less of what isn't, such as tons of vegetables and hardly any meat. :)

Second, I am turning off the many tapes that have played in my head for years, the tapes that said I wasn't good enough, or pretty etc... Sure they still play but instead of letting them overwhelm me I talk about them with Don or my friends that I have made over the summer.

Third, I walk with my chin up and a smile on my face because God is my strength and my comfort. Thank you God for never letting me go.

I know that it wont always be this easy to be happy, but at least I have gotten a Hugh gulp of the fresh air that is at the top of this mountain. The next valley might be hard or it might be easy who knows, at least I know that I have something to look forward to when I climb up the other side. :)

I want to Thank, Don, Michelle, Donna, Merinda and Alana for getting me to this point in my life, you each have been a building block in my climb to the top of this mountain. Thanks again, for allowing me to be me when I am around, thanks for the talks, laughs, smiles and hugs along the way, I couldn't have done it without you!

Ouch! That hurts!

Wounds... they hurt whether they are on the inside or the outside. If we end up banging them they remind us how we got them, until they have completely healed. But sometimes they leave a scar that constantly reminds us of the pain we endure to get the scar. It takes time for the hurt of those memories to fade.

Our emotional lives are like that as well, there are some hurts that are buried deep, but it only takes one word to dig them back up and the pain begins all over again. Sometimes we haven't had the chance to completely heal from the hurt and someone says or does something to make the pain last even longer then first anticipated. Sometimes all we want is the scars.

Change = Soul Searching

Why is change so hard?
Why does it hurt so much?
Why does it take so so long to accept change?
 And why does it affect every part of your life?

These are questions I am continually asking myself. I know life is continually changing, I know thing are going to fall apart and then they will need replacing, but why is it so hard for me to accept? I would rather hold on to the broken pieces, then let them go. It doesn't mean I have to let go of the memories attached to them, I just need to clean up the mess and get on with life, putting the memories in a file and the junk in the garbage. Sometimes it's not only physical messes we have to clean up, sometimes it is the emotional, inner messes too.

Nobody ever said that life would be easy and that we would find peace and comfort around every corner. Instead I must lean on the everlasting arms the one who knows me inside and out and can heal my brokenness. Thank you Lord!

Staying Positive

You wake up and the sky is grey and you know that you might not see the sun all day, right away your mood is a little flat. Its harder to be happy and positive when the sky is grey and the day is dreary. (Kinda like today!) Its that way in life as well, when things are going good the sky is bright blue and the sun is shinning, but when things are upside down the sky is grey and the sun is hiding from view.

the leaning process: Not giving up!

the leaning process: Not giving up!: "Ever climbed a mountain and thought you were never going to make it to the top. You continue to look up to see how much further you have to ..."

Not giving up!

Ever climbed a mountain and thought you were never going to make it to the top. You continue to look up to see how much further you have to go, but all you can see is a turn in the trail and tall trees blocking your site. Giving up would mean you have failed, so you take another step and another. The trail is slippery and your foot slips, so you grab onto the nearest branch to keep from sliding further. You know that the view at the top is spectacular and that continues to drive you on no matter what you run into. Don't give up believing in yourself.

the leaning process: Who am I?

the leaning process: Who am I?: "Ever looked in the mirror and asked yourself who you are? I have many times, and all you get back is silence. So you stand there a little lo..."

the leaning process: Growing Pains

the leaning process: Growing Pains: "Do you remember as a child when your legs ached because you were growing? As we grow up our growing pains change from physical aches and pai..."

the leaning process: trails virses happiness

the leaning process: trails virses happiness: "The other day I woke up grumpy, seemed like nothing would go right the whole day. The smallest thing would make me mad and irritated. But as..."

the leaning process: Comfort Zones

the leaning process: Comfort Zones: "I love to learn new things that push me outside of my comfort zone, things like snowboarding and wake boarding. The first time out is always..."

the leaning process: Dealing with Lifes Hurdles

the leaning process: Dealing with Lifes Hurdles: "Hurdles I use to love hurdles in track n' field, but now that they aren't physical hurdles they seem harder to get over. Life's hurdle..."

the leaning process: a new day a new leaning lesson

the leaning process: a new day a new leaning lesson: "All through my life I have heard the song 'Lean On Me' I have sung it and read the words, but really only took parts of it to heart. No..."

Who am I?

Ever looked in the mirror and asked yourself who you are? I have many times, and all you get back is silence. So you stand there a little longer still wondering who you are.  You finally turn away, because there is no answer. The mirror can't tell you who you are, only God know who you are, we must look to Him to find our true selves.

Growing Pains

Do you remember as a child when your legs ached because you were growing? As we grow up our growing pains change from physical aches and pains into emotional aches and pains. Some are little and we hardly even notice them, others are so big that we are afraid that everyone around us can see our pain. The pain is good even if we don't want to admit it, it is helping us grow stronger.

trails virses happiness

The other day I woke up grumpy, seemed like nothing would go right the whole day. The smallest thing would make me mad and irritated. But as the day wore on things started to look better the grumpiness began to fade and the little things didn't bug me near as much. It was a good thing things started to shape up, because I was starting to get on peoples nerves.! When my attitude started to change I started to realize that the trails in life don't have to ruin our happiness it is a choice we have to make each and every day. Today I choose happiness!! :)

Comfort Zones

I love to learn new things that push me outside of my comfort zone, things like snowboarding and wake boarding. The first time out is always the hardest, because you don't know what to expect. As you do it more you become more confident and try new things. Sometimes it works to try new things other times you wipe out and aren't sure that you want to get up and try it again. The pain is a reminder of what happen the last time and it scares you to the point that you think twice about going forward with the goals you have set for yourself. If you don't get up and try again you regret not reaching your goals. 

Dealing with Lifes Hurdles

Hurdles I use to love  hurdles in track n' field, but now that they aren't physical hurdles they seem harder to get over. Life's hurdles are harder to navigate, they aren't in a straight line nor are they spaced the same distance apart. Some are small and easy to step over, others are Hugh  and need to be whittled down to size. I am at one of those Hugh hurdles in my life right now. Rejection, not being heard and loneliness are all piled into one or maybe it is three so close together that it looks like one.

a new day a new leaning lesson

All through my life I have heard the song "Lean On Me" I have sung it and read the words, but really only took parts of it to heart. Now as I get older and there are more trails in my life to overcome I am beginning to understand it more. God doesn't want us just to lean on Him when the times are bad, He wants us to lean on Him at all times.